Today it was announced that unfortunately, Senator Ted Kennedy, 76, has a malignant brain tumor. His adult children from his first marriage are in their 40′s, busy with their own lives and now face their father’s cancer diagnosis. This happens all too often. It happened to me. Below are my three recommendations for other adult children like Ted Kennedy’s adult children who face a parent’s cancer diagnosis…
A parent’s cancer diagnosis can shatter your life as you know it. Within twenty-four hours, you embrace challenges and blessings of a caregiver life. Many families facing cancer must decide which doctor, treatment plan, and cancer hospital the parent should choose-fast. Some top cancer hospitals such as the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center or the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center can have six-to-eight week waiting lists to see a doctor.When my father was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2000, my sister and I immediately booked a flight home to be with my parents. Within one week, we learned everything we could about non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and made the best educated decision regarding Dad’s immediate treatment. The choices boggled our minds. Dad’s diseased strengthened every minute we waited. Everyone’s situation is different. After the experience my sister and I went through with my Dad’s cancer treatment, I would do a few things differently.

Consider the following three suggestions and resources when your parent confronts a new cancer diagnosis.

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Holidays such as Mother’s Day may resurrect old memories of a newly deceased and absent mother or father that lie dormant throughout the rest of the year.  The holiday reminder may unearth tension, emotional anxiety, or grief from past Mother’s Days. The retails ads showcasing the perfect Mother’s Day and the gifts their families give mothers explode in malls, on TV, in magazines and newspapers and serve as daily reminders of our loss. (more…)

Today I read an article about the new book The Last Lecture. The article described the inspiring but tragic story of a 47-year-old college professor, Randy Pausch, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and decided to deliver a “last lecture” at his college that ended up being broadcast all over the world. In a short time after his last lecture, this father of three children ages 6, 3, and 1, would leave behind his kids and a young widow.

Unfortunately, this story of loss and young widowhood because of cancer is all too common. My own mother was 56 when she was widowed unexpectedly by the death of her husband to Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma- a blood cancer disease. My sister and I were in our late twenties and early thirties so we were lucky to have time to know our father as adults. In many cases of loss, young children such as Mr. Pausch’s kids, don’t have that opportunity.

For younger children who face the loss of a parent, a handful of fantastic organizations exists that offer excellent grief assistance specific for kids. For young widows, support is harder to find but available if you dig around. If you are interested in an online support group for young widows, try Griefnet.

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