As you and your parent work through all the sorting that happens after the loss of a parent and spouse, at some point you begin developing a new foundation to move forward in life with. One way my mother and I have found helpful to build  new foundations of strength is to tap into old “knowings” where you felt on top of the world(especially images that you can have around the house to remind you), empowered and filled with curiosity and wonder about life. One such memory for my mother was when she was a Pan Am Stewardess in 1967. We were discussing those days recently because of ABC’s new TV show airing this fall called PAN AM.  

Here are a few images we came across recently that help Mom remember her inner strength to continue to incorporate into her life today…..

I recently enrolled in the Haden Institute’s Dream Group Leader Training Program. I have been collecting and working with my dreams for the past 15 years. I wanted to recommend a book for those of you who looking for spiritual help with working through your emotions after a loss. (more…)

Sheridan style dining chairs

As I am in the process of selling items from various family members’ estates, I came across this very helpful website by Judith Miller. She writes this incredible guide with full color photos of every type of antique you could think of. If you register on her website for free, you can access estimates of price ranges on items in her catalog. Very helpful for local or ebay sales to give you somewhere to start if you have no idea.

I wish I had known about AARP’s grief and loss website when my father first died. It has a lot of helpful checklists and information about grief. The topics names their articles cover include Final Details, Urgent Details, Steps to Take, Necessary Papers, and Claiming Benefits. You don’t have to be an AARP member to access the information.

HBO is presenting a 3 night series on Alzheimer’s next week. All cable subscribers, even those without HBO, should be able to view the series on the HBO channel for their cable company.

Schedule:
* The Memory Loss Tapes — Sunday, May 10 at 9 PM
* Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am? — Monday, May 11 at 7:30 PM
* Momentum in Science — Monday, May 11 at 8 PM
* Caregivers — Tuesday, May 12 at 7 PM
* Momentum in Science, Part 2 –Tuesday, May 12 at 7 p.m. and 8 p.m. EST

When you need organizing help after the loss of a parent, contact a member of NAPO. NAPO, The National Association of Professional Organizers,  operates as the national association dedicated to the field of organizing and provides referrals to local organizers. On its Web site, you will find local organizers to assist with memorial service planning or general organizing assistance. You can find a referral to a local organizer for short-term or long-term projects or a part-time personal assistant on the Web site. The organizers are either generalists in the field of organizing or specialists in particular areas, such as cleaning out garages/attics/basements, working with seniors, electronic and paper organization, estate sales, and moving and relocation.

MAIN NAPO PHONE: (847) 375-4746

For better tax planning strategies to assist your newly widowed parent or your family check out AARP’s Finance Guide, AARP’s  Tax-Aide, the section for widowed spouses of the American Institute for Economic Research’s “How to Avoid Financial Triangles”, the medical bill manager Medical Expense Manager (by the makers of Quicken) or Turbo Tax’s Its Deductible to help track and price (uses Ebay pricing) all your donations.

I have just hired my first virtual assistant who happens to be in India. I have heard about virtual assistants for years and finally decided to try it out for some internet research I need. The company I am using is Brickworks-other popular places to find a VA include Your Man in India, Assist U and the International Virtual Assistants Association. More about virtual assistance and how it can help you as a caregiver with paperwork and finances on pages 63-66 in my practical resource book for adults with a newly widowed parent, Mom Minus Dad.

I will let you know how the Indian VA ends up working out. Has anyone else has particular success using a VA?

Adrienne E. Simpson, President of Smooth Mooove Senior Relocation Services, Inc. in Stone Mountain, Georgia, hopes to help other seniors and families avoid moving nightmares by anticipating many specific downsizing and relocation needs of seniors ahead of time. Ms. Simpson started her four-year-old company after she was personally overwhelmed by the physical work and time commitment required when moving her mother from Georgia from Michigan. Below Ms. Simpson answered some common questions about moving seniors…

Q: Ms. Simpson, Can you explain how moving needs are different when you are moving an older parent? 
A: Seniors don’t move because they want to. They move because they have to.  They move for three reasons:  failing health, loss of a spouse, or a house that is overwhelming with responsibility. When a senior moves they typically downsize.  They don’t take everything with them.  They have to make difficult decisions on what to keep, sell, donate, and give away.  The downsizing process is overwhelming, emotional, and traumatic.  It’s what makes moving seniors different.

Q:  What is the biggest mistake adult children make with regard to moving an aging parent?
A: Waiting too late, allowing their parents to delay the event until they are in crisis.  When the move is done during crisis, the senior loses the ability to make critical decisions on what will happen with personal property.  The children make all the decisions and often decide that everything is junk and discard everything.
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Denial of death can be a huge barrier to preparing ahead for loss. I hear from many adult sons and daughters that their Baby Boomer parents “don’t want to talk about it”. They ask me “How do I bring up these issues that are in your book with my parents while they are well and in good health so we can prepare ahead of time? Everyone gets very uncomfortable”. I agree. It’s not easy, but I can tell you from personal experience it’s much more painful if a plan including-paperwork/wills, established advisors for various issues, and discussion of “what if” scenarios-are not in place or discussed. No one wants to think about dying, but if family members don’t- the surviving family members will have to face the unanswered questions without the loved one’s input or advice.

Today’s Financial Times newspaper listed a story that caught my eye called “When Death is a Reminder to Live”. (more…)