If you are looking for a way to remember your deceased Dad this father’s day, consider making an online memorial Web site in his name. It can provide comfort as a place to come back to routinely to post new thoughts or photos of your Dad to celebrate his life and make him an active part of your life even after he’s left this earth. 

A great place to start building your memorial site is Memory-of.com. On the site you can upload video and audio files, create a family tree and provide an area for others to post comments. The hosting is free for two weeks then hosting costs a low monthly or yearly fee.

Full description of Memory-Of is on page 168 of Mom Minus Dad.

Prepared food can be a thoughtful and useful gift for a griever from friends or family, especially during the first few months after the loss of a spouse or loved one.  Here are a few options to choose from: Big City Chefs: personal chefs in major cities for hire; Diamond Organics: fresh organic foods from California with overnight delivery; Dinewise: gourmet frozen meals with special meals for seniors and diabetics; Gourmet Grocery online:  gift baskets and prepared meals and soups or Harry and David for gourmet gift baskets; and Home Bistro: meals for special diets. Your friends and family will appreciate having healthy foods around when they have low energy to get foods themselves after the loss of a loved one.

Today’s topic at my weekly Griefshare group was “The Uniqueness of Grief art I.”  The main theme of the class evolved around understanding that everyone grieves differently- even in the same family- and that’s ok.

The video this week talked about common issues for grieving parents, effects on marriage and grief as well as how to help grieving children. I did notice the video is geared more toward the typical American family (2 kids) and didn’t specifically address the needs of adult children at all which is unfortunate.

The video talked about how an antipated death affects your grief because you do a lot of grieving ahead of the actual death so your grief after the death may not be as long but doesn’t lessen the grief you experience. I would agree with this as I believe my grieving started at diagnosis for my father. (more…)

The topic this week at Griefshare was “Why?.”  The main theme of the class evolved around answering the question of why: why did your loved one have to die? Does God care at all? How does the Bible answer my Why? Questions? How do I find any hope?

The video this week talked about how all the why’s of grief make sense if you understand God’s whole story told in the Bible. The experts discussed how to deal with all of your unanswered questions. One important point they made that I agree with is that you never make progress in grief if you stay stuck in asking why. It is an important question to ask but don’t get stuck there. The way you move forward is seeing how you can use this challenge to grow and if you’re a Christian how to glorify God with this challenge. (more…)

This week’s topic at  Griefshare was “When Your Spouse Dies.” I was very interested in attending this  meeting because I wanted to learn more about what my mother experienced losing her spouse because I couldn’t relate to a spousal loss. Because of the President’s Day holiday, I did not realize the group was still going to meet so I missed the viewing of the video this week.

I still worked through the workbook this week and noticed one key thread that my mother wished she had known a long time ago. They emphasized how after losing a spouse old friendships would change. I think that was really tough on her as some friends left her behind because she wasn’t part of a couple anymore or they just didn’t know how to be friends with a widow (probably not the best of friends anyway). Mom also noticed even her deeper friendships changed too as her friends’ lives or marriages had not changed much but Mom’s life and new status as a widow changed a lot in her life.  The Griefshare workbook this week encourages making new friends which my mother did try to do and still does as the loss of her spouse forces her to face a new identity.

A few years ago, I was told (by someone other than my mother who has lost both a parent and her spouse) that “losing a parent was like 9/11 and losing a spouse was like 9/11 with a nuclear bomb.” I just can’t imagine losing a spouse.

Key verse of scripture that helped me this week:

“The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.” (Psalm 146:9)

Helpful grief support groups are hard to find after you lose a parent. That is why 8 years after my father’s death, I had heard so many good things about the Griefshare program I had to experience it myself. This 2^nd post is a continuation of my experience in the 13 week program (see the first post for more background on Griefshare and how I found out about it).

At the second meeting at a local church in Atlanta, about one third of the original grievers returned to the group. My heart sunk in disappointment because I knew how helpful this information could be to others in the beginning stages of grief based on my experience. I craved healing for each of their losses. I prayed they each found strength to return next week. In our smaller group, we each talked about our losses and why we attended Griefshare to inform the Director of Adult Ministries who was attending the group for the first time. The video this week was on the topic of “The Journey of Grief” and afterward our group discussed a few questions presented by the moderators. (more…)

Helpful grief support groups are hard to find after you lose a parent. That is why 8 years after my father’s death, I had heard so many good things about the Griefshare program, I had to experience it myself. Every week for 13 weeks I will write about my experience attending the Griefshare program. Griefshare is a structured nondenominational thirteen-week support group with videos, a workbook and discussions about grief and loss.  The videos feature grief specialists talking about grief and recovery issues while telling real life stories of others who have experienced a loss. (more…)

A new Web site just launched to assist divorced, widowed, remarried and single men with children. Here’s the news release From Business Wire:

“SAN DIEGO–(BUSINESS WIRE)–Local entrepreneur and single father Richard “RJ” Jaramillo today announced the launch of SingleDad.com, the first comprehensive online resource and social network developed for single dads. Created to address the needs of a growing number of men raising families, the new site provides an array of services, advice and referrals, plus an interactive social network to connect single dads nationwide. The site celebrated its launch on Father’s Day, June 15.

Founded in 2007 by the single father of three, SingleDad.com is a free web site dedicated to helping single dads navigate through the challenges of single parenting by providing the highest quality resources to support the family’s continued health, wealth and general well-being. The site’s content is geared toward divorced, widowed, remarried and single men with children.

“When I first became a single father nearly a decade ago, there was parenting information available, but it didn’t address the unique needs of single dads,” Jaramillo said. “Even today there is a limited amount of resources geared specifically toward meeting their needs. More fathers are raising families on their own and SingleDad.com can help them manage the everyday challenges they encounter.”

No other site includes both the resources and social networking capacity that SingleDad does. Members can post comments and How-To’s online (for both dad and family), and search and post events in the area. The site’s articles cover a variety of topics written by Jaramillo, SingleDad.com staff and outside experts. SingleDad.com‘s interactive social network adds a personal touch that enables members to build their network, post their own hosted meet-ups (scheduled connections with other dads in the area), and trade helpful tips and advice with other great dads across the country.

About SingleDad.com

SingleDad.com is the first comprehensive online resource developed for single dads. Created in 2007 by entrepreneur and single father of three, Richard “RJ” Jaramillo, the site offers an extensive array of valuable services, advice and referrals to help single dads navigate through the daily challenges of single parenting by providing the highest quality resources and timely information to support the family’s continued health, wealth and general well-being. SingleDad.com is more than just a portal; it’s an interactive, social network that instantly connects single dads nationwide. For more information please visit our site at www.singledad.com.”

Today it was announced that unfortunately, Senator Ted Kennedy, 76, has a malignant brain tumor. His adult children from his first marriage are in their 40′s, busy with their own lives and now face their father’s cancer diagnosis. This happens all too often. It happened to me. Below are my three recommendations for other adult children like Ted Kennedy’s adult children who face a parent’s cancer diagnosis…
A parent’s cancer diagnosis can shatter your life as you know it. Within twenty-four hours, you embrace challenges and blessings of a caregiver life. Many families facing cancer must decide which doctor, treatment plan, and cancer hospital the parent should choose-fast. Some top cancer hospitals such as the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center or the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center can have six-to-eight week waiting lists to see a doctor.When my father was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2000, my sister and I immediately booked a flight home to be with my parents. Within one week, we learned everything we could about non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and made the best educated decision regarding Dad’s immediate treatment. The choices boggled our minds. Dad’s diseased strengthened every minute we waited. Everyone’s situation is different. After the experience my sister and I went through with my Dad’s cancer treatment, I would do a few things differently.

Consider the following three suggestions and resources when your parent confronts a new cancer diagnosis.

(more…)

Today I read an article about the new book The Last Lecture. The article described the inspiring but tragic story of a 47-year-old college professor, Randy Pausch, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and decided to deliver a “last lecture” at his college that ended up being broadcast all over the world. In a short time after his last lecture, this father of three children ages 6, 3, and 1, would leave behind his kids and a young widow.

Unfortunately, this story of loss and young widowhood because of cancer is all too common. My own mother was 56 when she was widowed unexpectedly by the death of her husband to Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma- a blood cancer disease. My sister and I were in our late twenties and early thirties so we were lucky to have time to know our father as adults. In many cases of loss, young children such as Mr. Pausch’s kids, don’t have that opportunity.

For younger children who face the loss of a parent, a handful of fantastic organizations exists that offer excellent grief assistance specific for kids. For young widows, support is harder to find but available if you dig around. If you are interested in an online support group for young widows, try Griefnet.

(more…)